Following My Dreams

I sit here all alone on a park bench on this chilly, November day with the bitter northeasterly wind biting at my face. Normally I might have noticed the pealing green paint on the bench, the lady from two apartments down out briskly walking her handsomely trimmed golden retriever, and the children playing together on the playground. However today I just sit here thinking back on the last seven and a half years. What had gone wrong? Had I not studied enough? Is there something wrong with me? Should I try again, or just give up? The last nearly third of my life I have spent studying for nothing. I remember nights studying until, exhausted, I fell asleep at my desk. I remember not being able to go on outings because I had assignments to finish. Now what am I to do? Should I study for another occupation? Do I just settle for a blue collar job? Life seems so unfair. Then I hear a sound. It is not the sound of children playing or of dogs barking. No. This is a different sound, one all too familiar. It is the bringer of fear into my tired, weary bones. With a start I wake, then lazily roll over and hit the snooze button.

Like every other person on the planet, I have a dream. My dream is to become an architect. Having recognized this dream, my parents encourage me to pursue it. However, many goliath sized obstacles lie in the way of becoming a licensed architect. Will I be able to conquer these giant sized obstacles, or will I waste precious years of my life chasing after the wind? This is a question I ask myself day and night.
For as long as I can remember, architecture has fascinated me. I am enthralled by the concept of having an enormous idea in my head, drawing it, and having it built. That is not to say the job of an architect is an easy one, but to me it seems extremely gratifying. Do I get this passion from a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or a family friend? No person I know is an architect. In fact, my parents have unknowingly somewhat aggravated my architectural passions. My parents are extremely practical people; we have dreadfully little design elements in our home. Everything must have a “purpose.” While I love my parents incredibly, I believe architecture should be artistic. It seems no human has influence my architectural interests.
My love of building does not in any way keep me tucked inside all day. I am an outdoors person. Hiking, backpacking, and biking are some of my favorite activities. I believe buildings should showcase pieces of nature. Cedar, stone, and bamboo, are the best building materials in the world. What I do not love, and down right despise, is the elements. There is nothing more irritating than having to be outside, getting soaked in the rain. Buildings were initially built for the sole purpose of keeping out the elements. Maybe I love architecture because I dislike the elements so much. Maybe it is the art form I love. Maybe I love architecture because I love creating things. Maybe, but where do my desires truly come from?
My desires are placed there by God. God uses some of them to show me what he wants me to do. My highest concern throughout this decision making process is to follow God’s will.
God has given me many gifts, one of which is architecture. The gifts God has given me should be used wisely. I don’t want to waste a gift, but since I have been given many gifts, which ones should I utilize in my career? What about my gift of music? I have played the violin for over ten years. Does God want me to bless others through a career as a musician, or with the gift of architecture? Can I use my gifts besides in a career form? I enjoy playing old-time music at senior homes with my band. Should I utilize my musical gifts in this way, or as a career? I wish I knew.
There are plenty of other occupations with similar qualities as architecture. Manufacturing, for example, designs and sees things built, but I am not attracted to manufacturing. For some reason I am attracted to buildings. I honestly have no idea why. My parents dread when we drive by an interesting building because I always glue my face to the window to see out, thus leaving breathe prints on the window. Whenever I walk into a building and notice a floor plan on the wall, I am drawn like a magnate to the plan. Those who are with me think I belong in a mental institute; I mean who actually reads those building maps? I do. I don’t know why. I just do. Once, while visiting a friend in the hospital, I became fascinated by the hospital’s architecture. What normal person notices the architecture in a hospital? I do. Or how about when I go to a museum and am more fascinated by the way the walls meet the ceiling than I am with the exhibits. Sometimes my interests seem extremely weird, even to me.
When I consider career choices, money is not a big deciding factor for me. Sure I want a sweet car, the grandest house on the block, and a dream vacation every summer to Hawaii just like every other American, but being at a job where I belong is more important to me than money. When I am on my death bed, will I remember the car I bought in 2013? I think it was a mustang. Or was it a minivan? It won’t matter. What will matter is how I have left this world. Is it a better or a worse place? Have I used my gifts wisely or poorly? At least to me, happiness is not obtained through a large pay check, but rather through serving others in ways I am gifted.
A gift seldom comes completely naturally. It must first be taught and challenged before it can be utilized. The road to learning how to properly use my gift of architecture is not an easy one. I must attend seven and a half years of college, but I will not know until part way through my schooling whether or not I will be able to finish my degree. Then, if I am able to complete my seemingly endless years at college, I must find a place to apprentice at. After serving a minimum of two years there, I must study for, and then take a gruelingly long test to become a licensed architect. However, it is not just one test for the entire nation. I must take a different test for every state I wish to be licensed in. These are just the major challenges I am aware of on my path of learning. I shiver to think of what small obstacles are lying, waiting to ensnare me.
Every time I start to fear about my future career I say to myself, “So self, what else could you do as an occupation besides architecture?” Every answer self has given me, I have rejected. I imagine going to work day after day after day and wondering what if? What if I had overcome my fears? What if I had gone to school and gotten my degree? What if someone had hired me and I could be fulfilling my dream of designing buildings right now? What if? However as many times as I say this, something, somewhere deep in my stomach says, “But what if by the time you finish school, you decide you don’t want to be an architect? What if no one will hire you?” Thus the inward battle rages on.
Fear stems from a loss of certainty about the future. The future is unclear; anything could happen. I want to be in charge of everything and I want to know what will happen. The cold truth of life is I will never know what tomorrow may bring. I know God is in control of whatever happens, but I feel as if studying for nothing is wasted time. All those years could have been spent doing something instead of stressing myself over learning information never to be used again.
When confronted with a life changing choice, I should not try to make a decision without consulting others. My parents have more life experience than me and are thus able to give helpful and wise advice. I know they have my best interest in mind and they will always love me. They have given me lots of wise counsel about priorities in life. Is money or fulfillment better? God’s will or mine?
Another person I have consulted is local architect, Michael Smith, who works at Zervus Group architects. I asked him about what all is involved in becoming an architect. Now I might have discovered a major part of architecture I dislike, or downright despise. Michael may have been able to tell me of some other occupation I should pursue. However talking with him actually gave the opposite result; it encouraged me towards become an architect. Michael also gave me advice on what schools firms look at to hire from. If I had not sought advice, I might have ended up going to a bad school.
So what am I going to do? On the one hand, all the clues seem to be pointing to becoming an architect, but on the other hand, could my fears be for a reason? I don’t want to waste so much of my life pursuing a dream only to see it fade into the black abyss of impossibility. What if I can’t get into the school? What If I can’t pass the licensing exam? What if I can’t get hired? As the time approaches to when I must make my decision whether I am going to transfer to the Washington State University’s school of architecture or not, I am sure of one thing: God will provide.