Bad eyes

Trevor Gustafson
Bad Eyes

As I approach writing this reading response I am faced with a major dilemma: I agree with pretty much everything that the author has to say. I find it easiest to write about something I disagree with rather than find a way to say something about an essay I agree with. That is, without simply summarizing it. Arguing is what I love to do. Being used to doing it, I find comfort in writing from an argument standpoint. The writing that I consider to be my best is always the ones where I am arguing a point. When I approach writing this reading response, I might let fear start to get in my way. I might say that I am afraid of how this reading response will look. Will it be boring? Will I look like I have no ideas of my own? Will those who read this think that I am just summarizing what the author had to say? I have a few ideas of ways to make it interesting, but I don’t think anyone will like them. So I sit here at my desk, afraid to write, afraid of failing.

I considered cheating. I could hire someone to write this essay for me. I think that not only will my writer’s grammar be better than mine; he may even have better ideas. But then what if my writer and I get in an argument over the best flavor of pizza, he gets mad, and won’t let me have the writing. Faced with this dilemma of not knowing what to do, I turn to the essay to see how the author handled her situation. The part that jumps out to me is where the therapist says, “then you don’t know how to look. This isn’t some kind of mystical thing. Just pay attention.” Could it be true that I had not paid attention to my own feelings, thoughts and convictions about the essay? Had I assumed that my ideas weren’t important?

In an utter end of my line moment, I sit down at my computer and start typing. It’s slow. It’s scattered. And yes it plain out sucks. The ideas that come to my mind aren’t that great. Possibly I’ll get an f on this reading response, but at least I write down what I feel. I realize that my ideas might be wrong, but I continue writing, remembering that I cann’t see part of the picture of what this completed text will look like. I also remember that in the end, this reading response will be more elegant, polished, and graceful than the fragments of thought now listed on my computer’s screen.

Now this was a partially false story. I never exasperated to the point of considering going to a friend for help in writing this response, but I did feel overwhelmed by the prospect of not knowing what to write about. Somehow the thought that my dilemma was similar to the dilemma of the author intrigued me. I followed that thought, not even sure of my own emotions until I compared them to the situations that the author encountered.

Like the author I was faced with a challenge and decided to be afraid. I didn’t think that my view on the essay was very good just like the author didn’t think her view of the world was very good. And so the author turned to other sources for help and I contemplated doing the same, but we both soon realized that those sources aren’t reliable. They won’t always lead us in the right direction. Sometimes they flat out betray us. Then both the author and I came to the realization that we are able to think for ourselves. It doesn’t matter what others think. It doesn’t matter if Rhonda marks this reading response as an f, what matters is that I have something to say. I know that I might not always be right, so I try to put forth my views humbly, but yet in a confident sort of way.
Why is it that I believe the author to be correct? For one I, too, have gone through the same thought process. What if both the author I myself had decided to keep on thinking of our views as being less important that the views of others? Well the author probably would still be going through life, living one tragedy after another. Like her failed marriage, she probably would not be able to see the bad things coming. If I had of continued to think of my ideas as being less important, I probably would have never finished this essay. I would have been so worried about the views of others that I would have ended up not writing this response after all, hence bringing the judgment of my teachers and classmates as to my ability to think and write.

Just like weeding is the staving off of brute chaos, picking through information and discarding the bad stuff is staving off the brute chaos of our thoughts, which will in turn lead to a better understanding of the world around us, even though we may not be able to see our world enough or correctly.

I love how the author makes the connections between her literal vision, and her vision of life. The connection is made that just as we might allow others to be our eyes; we may also allow them to be our brain. Just as the author realized that she shouldn’t always allow others to be her eyes, the essay subtly, yet compellingly, implores us to be our own intellect. “Since people around me had the first kind of sight, I was willing to grant that they had the second. And then the corollary: since I lacked the one, I surely lacked the other.” It’s amazing how metaphors like this are sometimes the best examples to use when proving a point.
Even though the author’s main point was hidden in a metaphor, I found this essay the easiest to understand out of all the ones we have read for this class so far. She doesn’t use words that only an English geek would know, nor does she ramble on, spouting out seemingly random information. This author has chosen to tell her story and lightly hint at the deeper meaning behind this pleasant narrative.

I find some similarities in between all three essays that this class has read so far. Namely that all three of them aim to show that the reader is a source. What I find different about this essay is that the author doesn’t seem to bash taking the opinion of others as much as, especially, the last essay. It seams to me that the author is saying that our ideas are important, but maybe not always right. As the author says in her closing thoughts, I am a person who has trouble seeing enough, or correctly. The implication is given that the author is not just talking about her eyesight, but also about her worldview.

As I have said before, it is important that we take a moderate view on the distinction between being confident in ourselves, and realizing that we may not always be right. While I found this essay harder to respond to, I did enjoy finally being able to agree with the author.